The Compliance Store
Government-approved merchandise for the citizen who has everything (that the government allows them to have).
I ♥ DEDUCTIONS Mug
$19.99
(plus 47% convenience tax)
Start every morning by celebrating how much of your paycheck you're allowed to keep. Dishwasher safe — unlike your financial independence.
"My Other Car Is A Government Regulation" Bumper Sticker
$7.99
(application fee not included)
Let everyone on the highway know that while they're driving, the government is riding shotgun. Weather-resistant for up to one election cycle.
Compliance Is My Love Language T-Shirt
$29.99
(size mandated by federal guidelines)
Available in Government Gray, Bureaucratic Beige, and Regulatory Red. Made from 100% domestically-regulated cotton. One size fits whatever we say it fits.
"Home Sweet Permitted Home" Kitchen Sign
$24.99
(display permit required in some states)
Remind yourself every day that your home is exactly as the zoning board intended. Hand-painted by artists with valid art licenses.
The Official Government Boyfriend Hoodie
$49.99
(warmth not guaranteed — see terms)
Oversized, slightly suffocating, and impossible to get rid of — just like the government itself. Features "Property of the Federal Government" on the back.
"I Survived Tax Season" Medal of Honor
$14.99
(non-deductible)
Pin this genuine imitation medal to your chest after successfully filing your taxes. Pairs well with the hollow look in your eyes and an empty bank account.
The "Nothing to Hide" Transparent Backpack
$39.99
(contents subject to review)
If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear! Show the government exactly what you're carrying at all times with this stylish clear backpack.
Regulation Nation Board Game
$34.99
(rules change every turn)
The fun family game where players navigate a maze of regulations to perform simple tasks! Try to open a lemonade stand without going bankrupt. Ages 8+ (permit required for ages 7 and under).
Shopping Disclaimer: All purchases are final, non-refundable, and subject to a 23-step return process that requires notarized documentation and a letter from your congressional representative. Shipping times range from "eventually" to "when we get around to it." The Compliance Store is not responsible for any feelings of buyer's remorse, as remorse has been reclassified as a taxable emotion.